Your Villain Becomes Your Child’s Villain by David Benzel
Growing Champions for Life Newsletter from David Benzel
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Your Villain Becomes Your Child’s Villain
One of the more memorable sport movies of the last few years is “42” – the true story of Jackie Robinson’s first season in Major League Baseball as the first African American allowed to play in “the Show”, as it is often called. There is one particular scene in the movie that haunts me, and I hope it haunts you as well. I’m referring to the game when Robinson and the Dodgers play Philadelphia and take the field in front of a very hostile crowd. As Robinson runs out to his position in the first inning, a young boy sitting next to his father watches intently as his father yells racist remarks at Robinson for
his mere existence on the field of baseball. Within moments, this young boy who appears to have been caught off
guard by his father’s ranting, decides that he too should join in the degrading of the “villain” on the field; it seems like the thing to do.
A father can be a powerful influence on a child. A parent’s values become a child’s values. A parent’s words become a child’s words. A parent’s behaviors become a child’s behaviors. And it stands
to reason that a parent’s villains become a child’s villains. What a sobering thought!
Perhaps it’s time to ask, “Who have you cast as villain in your world, and do you want your child to see and treat these people as villains – bad guys, undeserving of respect, targets of personal attacks, ridicule and blame? There are few things as destructive as racism; the movie scene demonstrates a father’s influence on a young mind. But it
doesn’t have to be about the color of one’s skin for it to be damaging.
For instance, is it possible that our children learn disrespect for referees by overhearing our repeated disgust over an official’s call? Can we really expect our children to take responsibility for their performances when we constantly blame the judges or umpires for calling it as they see it? How can we possibly ask our children to listen to their coaches
when they frequently hear us criticizing the coach’s decision making?
In truth, parents can be respect-killers for every authority figure in a child’s life by attacking, ridiculing, criticizing, condemning and complaining about referees, umpires, judges, officials, coaches,
and sport administrators. When we “villainize” someone, whether it’s
during a competition, during the car ride home after a practice, or in front of children while talking to other adults, we
should not be surprised when our children demonstrate disrespectful behaviors towards those same people. They
didn’t learn it from a stranger.
We have a huge responsibility to teach tolerance and respect for those who volunteer their time (or are paid very
little) to officiate or coach our children. If we hope to maintain the services of our officials, as well as teach our children respectfulness, we must first learn to control our emotions and our reactions on the sidelines of competition. Many organizations are finding it increasingly difficult to retain officials due to the verbal abuse they suffer at the hands of parents! Yet those same parents expect their children to control themselves.
If youth sports is truly a laboratory for learning life lessons; if its purpose is to help our children develop physically, mentally, and emotionally – then it stands to reason that parents cannot temporarily suspend such virtues as respect and self-control during the minutes of a game. If you recognize the tendency to get emotionally hijacked by your emotions during competitions here are some suggestions:
- Increase the physical distance between
yourself and the field of play; sit
farther
away from the action - Closely monitor your self-talk during the
competition to stay focused on only the
things within your control; an official’s
decisions are NOT within your control
so leave them alone - Guard your reactions, especially in the
first 10 seconds after a play or a
“call” by a referee - Ask yourself, “How would I feel right now
if I were an official at a youth sport
competition having to make a close or
controversial call?” - Be ready to consider this question at any
moment: “What life lesson is my
child exposed to by having to deal with
the
adversity of a ‘bad’ call during
this game?”
Give these strategies a try. They will go a long way in helping you set a good example for your children and make it safe
for our referees, umpires, and officials to continue doing the task they enjoy.
A Resource to Tap:
Rich on Paper, Poor on Life
by Philip
McKernan
We live in a world that works tirelessly to assimilate us to be “normal”. This collective pressure has the ability to dampen our spirit and give up the dreams we have in our souls in search of what we are told is success and happiness. We often find ourselves chasing the things we think will make us
happy and when we get there, feeling an eery emptiness.
The real life stories in this book will inspire you to find the courage and clarity within to take back your life and challenge the very essence of the things you think will make you happy. Stop living the life others want for you and begin the quest for meaning in every area of your life. If you feel you are settling in life and wonder if there is more, then this book is for you.
GCFL Promotion:
Sport Parent
Quiz
Discover Your Sport Parent Style!
The sport parent quiz is designed to help you discover how you behave as a sport parent and what effect it is having on your child. Sport parents come in 4 FLAVORS…Manager, Agent, Sponsor, Hero. However, through the challenges and
emotions of sports we sometimes become the sport parent we NEVER intended to be. By answering the following questions honestly, your point total will indicate which of the four flavors fits you best.
Highlights:
Meet a GCFL True Hero Track Partner:
T Bar M Racquet Club
T Bar M Tennis Academy is located in Dallas Texas and offers comprehensive tennis
training to children from 3 years old to highly ranked collegiate athletes and
professionals. Our system of development is based on five areas of focus. Comprehensive
Technical, Tactical, Mental/Emotional, Physical and Character Development are all incorporated
into every workout at every age. For decades our program has produced not only
great players, but most importantly great people.
Quote of the Day
“Just as your car runs more smoothly and requires
less energy to go faster and farther
when
the wheels
are in perfect alignment, you perform
better when your
thoughts, feelings, emotions, goals,
and
values are in balance.
“
– Brian
Tracy, Personal development
author
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