by David Benzel
The Real Purpose of Your Child's Sport
The Real Purpose of Your Child’s SportThere’s an adage that says, “It’s hard to see a picture when you’re standing in the frame.” Perhaps being an athlete in youth sports is like that. It’s hard for our kids to truly understand the larger purpose of the sport experience while immersed in the everyday rigors of practice and competition. Parents and coaches who transport, support, f inance, organize and administrate youth sports can also lose sight of the real purpose and find themselves “standing in the frame” rather than seeing the big picture.
The purpose of youth sports is not, and was never intended to be, focused on winning. The purpose of this experience we call sport is to use the laboratory of training and competing as a platform for two things: 1) having fun, and 2) learning life lessons for the development of personal character. Winning and losing are an important part of this experience, but not its purpose. The professional sports model, with its “win at all cost” mentality, has contributed to the misinterpretation and distortion of the real purpose.
Confirmation of this higher purpose is found in the Latin root of the word competition, which actually means “to strive with an opponent, not strive against, as our current culture suggests. The origins of the word suggest we can become more than we are by striving with a worthy opponent so we learn, change, and grow in the process. According to author David Light Shields, this is “true competition” rather than “de-competition” – win at all costs, even at the expense of one’s character, and destroy/humiliate your opponent.
There are numerous side-effects of parents and coaches missing the opportunities to focus on character lessons for the sake of winning. We currently have too many young athletes who:

  • Suffer with depression, anxiety, and emotional distress in sports
  • Leave sports unfulfilled, dissatisfied, and with low self-esteem
  • Win at sports but lose at life for years to come
The most important question parents can ask is not, “What will my child get by playing better?” but instead, “What will my child become by playing at all?” Speaking at the Tennis Teachers Conference in New York City last month, sport psychologist Dr. Jim Loehr suggested we begin by asking our children different questions. Instead of asking them how they’re doing on their corner kick, free throws, or backhand swing, perhaps we should be asking how they’re doing with their integrity, fairness, and humility. In the grand scheme of things, which qualities do you think have the greatest long-term value for our children? If you’re not having these conversations with your children, who do you think is? It’s time for us to be on-purpose parents.