Independent Curiosity

To the community, from ATA CP Parent, Rachel O’Malley

Dear Carol:

Recently, I was given the advice to approach life with “independent curiosity” by observing, being present without always engaging, being patient about drawing conclusions and refraining from immediate action. Using these skills has been rather enlightening for me. They have enabled me to question previous assumptions and analyze situations using a more compassionate awareness, with the end result being a difference in how Mike and I parent our girls.

With Meghan at ATA CP, Lauren sophomore at Vandegrift and Sarah preparing for middle school next year, I have attended numerous parent meetings, participated in informational parent discussion groups, teacher conferences, etc. These experiences have given me many opportunities to practice this “independent curiosity” in the context of helping our girls live their values, establish goals for themselves, and, most importantly, be happy. Below are my rather haphazard observations on my girls, their learning environments and how it has helped us become better parents.

Meghan: I think back to when Meghan started school at ATA CP as a seventh grader and how she has grown over the course of the past few years. Starting ATA CP (or Hybrid as we called it then), she was largely motivated by fear…afraid to get bad grades, afraid to draw attention to herself, afraid to form conclusions in the event someone might disagree, afraid of not pleasing. Her definition of success was to achieve good grades and blend in (notice no mention of actually learning the topics being taught, finding enjoyment from learning, exploring new ideas or creativity). Admittedly,
Meghan got her definition of success from us as parents and from the school environment where she spent her first seven years of her academic career. Fast forward to today, after spending years at ATA CP  – Meghan still has a very strong sense of achievement, grades and tennis results are still very important, but only one piece of the equation (additionally:)

*         She has made INCREDIBLE strides in her confidence at expressing
herself.

*         She finds ways to learn in nearly every situation. I have seen
this in so many situations; however, a few that have stood out include using
the wind a competitive tool during a tennis match, working with Mr.
Rutherford to make sure she is taking effective Chemistry notes, gleaning
life lessons from Coach Newman as she’s helping him in the morning to
wondering how a display was built in Whole Foods on an errand with you.

*         She is accountable for her actions and is not afraid to take
responsibility when she makes mistakes.

*         She has become one of the most organized people I know, thanks to
all of the hands-on instruction and guidance.

*         She is no longer as afraid of failure and uses it as a way to
improve herself. I remember when she did poorly on her first Biology test
and declared a career in medicine hopeless. You sat with her and taught her
a way to analyze her performance so that she could make changes to her
current study patterns / test taking strategies. She, along with all of the
ATA kids, do this monthly when they analyze their tournament results (see
below)

It might be worth saying that we take for granted that ATA kids analyze their tournament results and make a plan for improving and how this transcends into life. I have watched Meghan live a life of perseverance and resiliency. How many teenagers are accountable to adults for their performance? Yet, I have watched Meghan put thought and effort into her achievements and shortcomings, communicate these to her coaches (all the while opening herself to hearing constructive criticism and advice) then
make a plan for improving. These skills, not common in the general population of teenagers, will serve Meg well when she is an adult.

Lauren: Being a student at a very competitive high school is a bit like swimming with sharks. It’s all about numbers – the number of AP classes she takes, her GPA, her class rank, how many annotations did she put in her literary book, what did she score on the last test, how many absences she has for dance related activities (marked as unexcused) what was the highest score on the last test, will there be a curve….and the list goes on. While there are many, MANY dedicated teachers, and while Lauren is having a positive high school experience, the focus appears to be more on the external achievement than on learning and building character. Lauren made all A’s (and one B) last year, while working at her personal best, saw that as a failure because she wasn’t in the top 10{37ef6ac642fae6f93f343032eb62785d28fa7a25a4a4f0267a12512c541c53a9}. As mentioned, despite the many dedicated, wonderful educators, there was no one she felt comfortable with enough to share her insecurities or give her life lessons. This is not a criticism of the teachers but my sadness in the process. There are simply too many students for many one-on-one connections. Lauren’s saving grace in this system is her intrinsic charm, her persistence, and the support she
receives at home.

She also has the ATA community as a resource. An example of this was how ATA CP and Estevam helped her with her AP Science project. Lauren chose to test the impact of caffeine on the human heart rate, not an easy experiment to conduct. Coach Doug, you, Coach Estevam, and all of the ATA CP students participated. The coaching staff chose this as an opportunity to talk about nutrition, how to achieve peak performance and the pitfalls of using stimulants. While Lauren’s experiment failed in terms of finding concrete results, it was a tremendous learning opportunity to be able to sit one-on-one with Estevam to learn about the effects  of caffeine on the human body (from a true expert), why her experiment failed, what she could have done differently. Later, she learned that many students “faked” their experiments and spent far less time on the activity only to achieve the same grade. While her first reaction was anger and even outrage, she settled at peace, having gratitude that there were people willing to go so far to help her and satisfaction / pride in her hard work. She viewed this experience as
one of the best learning experiences of her 9th grade year Biology class.

Sarah: 5th grade is a rather difficult year at Sarah’s school. In an attempt to prepare students for the rigors of middle school, students are given a lot more responsibility, a lot more homework, and a lot more tough love. While all of this seems positive, it is a brutal process for a child that is an alternative learner. Sarah struggles with auditory learning and I have spent much of this year trying to “teach the teachers” how to “teach” my child. The focus keeps coming back to test scores and grades and defending their processes / grading policies and preparing for the standardized tests.
While I understand the importance of that, I am saddened that we seem to have lost touch that there is a little girl who WANTS to succeed and we, as the adults, need to find a way to help her feel confident and successful while promoting the joy that learning can bring.

The ATA Learning Environment: I know I don’t fully understand what goes on behind the scenes to make ATA and ATA CP a success. I do know that it’s no coincidence that every coach and teacher seem to be in sync with my girls’ strengths and weaknesses, goals, success stories and setbacks. Just looking at any ATA player’s technical tennis game, I see evidence that our coaches are the best at teaching the game of tennis, but their reach goes far beyond the tennis court. This mindset and dedication is also true for the ATA CP classrooms. I can recall Mike’s comment after a meeting with you that there is such a sense of peace when your children are being taught by people who love and look out for them as human beings. Some examples:

*         Kendall probably knows Meghan better than Meghan knows herself.
Some of the sweetest things I remember are: cleaning out Meghan’s tennis bag and finding a note from Kendall telling her she believed in her, seeing a text message to Meg on her first day of middle school, calling on Kendall to help Meg navigate the “girl drama and politics.” There are so many examples of this.

*         Kendall has helped Sarah from thinking she was “hopeless” at tennis to now identifying herself as a tennis player and pouring her whole heart into her competitive matches and improving her game.

*         Doug sends Meghan texts asking if she’d praised God and done her mental training for the day as well as sending me a request to pray for Meghan’s confidence in competition.

*         The ATA CP teachers putting fun and value into learning. Meghan has had science class in her bathing suit at the creek, history class at the Alamo, pottery classes across central Texas, career day at SeaWorld, philosophy discussions at Panera Bread, and the list goes on and on.

How We’ve Grown As Parents: Sitting in David Benzel’s presentation, I recalled in the not-so-distant past when my parental actions included a fair share of helicopter mom and tiger mom behaviors. Gradually, I have shifted based on a myriad of situations and influences (ATA being a strong one). Meghan came home and told me that her Psychology Class would be reading Jim Loehr’s book, The Only Way to Win. Having read some his prior books, I started reading this one. Not surprisingly, it is full of valuable guidance on how to win at the game of life. He states that sports is like a laboratory of life and doing something for only extrinsic rewards leads to emptiness. He argues our joy doesn’t always come with the end result that defines us but it is what we become as a result of the chase. The life lessons my children are learning in their chase are invaluable, and many times immeasurable. I try to remember this when I’m sitting in the meetings I referenced above. It’s about the journey, not the numbers. I would be lying if I didn’t admit that low grades, poor tournament results, and lower than expected report cards didn’t still worry me. They still do, maybe more than they should. However, as I look at USTA rankings, GPA’s, class rankings, test grades and the like, my children’s success can be measured in far greater terms than the “numbers.”

You live that, you’ve helped me to embrace that, and I will always be grateful for how you’re helping shape our girls.

Thank you, Rachel