Join us each month for a live online presentation. The material prepares you for conversations about winning at life, not just sports, with your young athlete. If you can’t join us live, register for the webinar then enjoy the recording when your schedule permits.
To Push or Not to Push – A Parent’s Dilemma
Thursday, July 21st, 2016 at 9:00 PM EDT
Click here to register
Give Your Child Emotional Intelligence for Sports and School is a free webinar hosted by David Benzel- Growing Champions for Life. The Webinar is June 16 at 8pm. Click here to register
This month’s message from David Benzel is, “You Are Not the Mistakes You Make.” Geared toward helping parents teach their children healthy attitudes about mistakes. Click here to read more
Also, sign up for this months free webinar “Solve the Mystery of Your Child’s Motivation & Distraction Issues.” This webinar is Thursday, May 19th at 8pm. Click here to register
Coach Newman recommends the following article, “Moving on from Sports: A College Athlete’s Greatest Challenge” by ESPN’s Prim Siripipat. The article is about using life skills gained in playing sports at a high level and using them in life after college. Click here to read this article Coach Newman recommends.
Please join us on Thursday April 14th at 8pm for one of Growing Champions for Life’s most popular webinars – Teach Your Child the Best Kept Secret of Self-Confidence
Click here to register
Parents often ask what they can do at home to help reinforce the ATA & CP messaging of ‘strive for the pursuit of excellence’ and ‘study for the love of learning’. I love this! It is truly the village that creates the community, and together we can make a bigger impact. One thought that comes to mind, is to encourage them to “Show up. Listen. Always do your best.” Another thought that comes to mind is to model what you wish for them to do: complete tasks joyfully; study diligently, practice what you love to do; and perform with dignity.
In relating specifically to building better study habits, some things that you can do at home are:
1) Ask the right questions. ie. Instead of asking “How was your day?”, which may result in a one word answer of “fine”, ask “What are you reading about in History?”, which requires thought and dialog. OR instead of “Do you have any homework?” which is task oriented, ask “What will you be studying tonight?” which is habit oriented. This develops a proactive mindset instead of a passive one.
2) Designate an evening ritual as ‘study time’ or ‘family time’. To optimize the effects, it should be repeated each night, at the same time, in the same location, and with minimal distraction. Establish 30 minutes (or longer) to gather at the dining table or in the living room, with no TV, computers or cellular devices. Read. Discuss. Play a game like Bananagrams, Boggle, Yahtzee, etc.
3) Practice this study habit with your child for the next 30 days. Review her day. Ask her to explain the topics she currently studying in each class. Help her locate the process to solve a problem. Show her how to learn.
4) Read aloud to your family or read silently as a family. 30 pages a day is one of the greatest gifts you can give to your child that will result in improved academic performance and character evolution. It is also a beautiful way for your family to connect each day. Suggested books that will spark discussion include: The Chosen, To Kill A Mockingbird, Moby Dick, The Alchemist, Three Cups of Tea, Never Let Me Go, The Giver… or perhaps one that she is currently reading at school.
As parents, we want the the very best for our children. Emphasize the quality of long-term practice over short-term results. Show them that you value how they spend their days. And teach them to appreciate the way in which you spend yours.
Try the 30-30-30 rule: 30 minutes, 30 days, 30 pages.
Let me know what happens next.
Take care, ~Carol
Please join David Benzel on Thursday Feb 18 at 8pm for a 45 min webinar “Three Steps for Getting Your Athletic Family on the Same Page.” Click here to register.
Also, there is a new Winners Connection article, “The Only Two Questions You Need to Ask Yourself.” Click here to learn more.
The Austin Tennis Academy is excited about its affiliation with David Benzel and his organization, Growing Champions For Life. The non-profit works to create cohesive families, healthy teams and principle-centered athletes.
Mr Benzel creates articles, videos and other media that serves as coaching material for parents of athletes. We have a dedicated page up and running on our website under the News tab where you can access this content at any time.
The following article by Allistair McCaw is about the importance of parents and their child/children being on the same page about goals for their tennis. Not to over push a child to the point where they are just playing to keep their parents happy but to want to play for themselves. Click here to read more
Carol Hagar, Head of ATA College Prep, has written the following memo on how to get into the college of your dreams and factors to consider in deciding if that college is a good fit for you. Click here to download a PDF version of the memo.
College Picks and the Perfect Mix
by Carol Hagar
What is the magic formula to get into the college of your dreams? And how will you know if you can pay, play, and make the grade? There is no single magic formula, but there are some basic ingredients that can get you into the kitchen… IF you are willing to dedicate yourself to the process.
The complete potion requires time and discernment – which can be aided by parents, coaches and mentors – but let’s begin with the basics. A few key ingredients are: grades, tests scores, senior schedule, athletics and most importantly, your character.
1) Grades: Most schools (and NCAA) will look at your GPA using your core classes, not with the added inflation of electives and PE grades. As a general rule: there is no minimum number of courses for college entrance. It is expected that you complete an English, a math, a natural science, and a social science class each year, as well as 2-4 years of a second language, and an array of electives. It is also expected that you have taken the most challenging course load that your school offers AND that you can do well in. College admissions will review and ask, “Are you a good fit for our school, meaning will you be successful? Have you been steady and diligent throughout high school and kept a solid GPA? Have you taken a challenging array of courses?” If you are looking at top tier schools, they expect you to have taken top classes in your high school – AP or honors or dual credit – proving your ability and desire to study and learn. If not, what are the extenuating circumstances?
2) Standardized tests: Because it is difficult to fully assess the variants inherent in comparing hundreds of thousands of high schools, teachers, courses, etc., college admissions compare standardized ACT or SAT scores. Critical Reading and Math comprise the number that colleges use to determine your admissibility. A quick visit to the school’s website will give you the middle range of scores for incoming freshmen. Merit-based aid is usually awarded beginning at 1200 (critical reading + math) but requirements may be higher or lower depending on the school’s percentage acceptance rate. For students who are motivated to do well and have the aptitude to study, there are many companies, tutors, websites and books available for test prep at a variety of fees. Before employing a service, I recommend that you request a baseline assessment and a guarantee for a percentage of score increase.
3) Senior Course Schedule: Colleges determine your acceptance based on your performance through your junior year. It is expected that you will continue in a disciplined manner throughout your senior year. The courses you select for your senior year are the last opportunity for you to prepare for the next level of academic rigor. College admissions officers want to see that you are challenging yourself and performing at your best in preparation for their coursework for the following year. Choose wisely!
4) Athletics: What does it take to get noticed by tennis coaches? On a recent trip to the boys 16-18’s nationals in Kalamazoo, I visited with several college coaches and from those discussions, I compiled the following list of desirable traits:
a) Rankings and significant wins against players with similar profiles to their current roster
b) Technique and technical skill
c) Potential and desire to further develop as an athlete
d) Intelligent shot selection and ability to craft a point
e) Attitude and resiliency
f) Discipline and work ethic
g) Ability to lead teammates by positive example
5) Character: If you will notice in the list above, it includes more character attributes than physical or ranking results. Winning is very important, but so are your attitude and sportsmanship. How do you translate to others the all-important, intangible character attributes that you possess and practice? Are you active in any community service activities? Do you volunteer? Have you been committed to a cause or project over a period of time? Do you have a job? Have you experienced hardship? What makes you unique? Your ability to prioritize, goal set and make the decisions to meet them will set you apart from the rest.
In summary, winning matches is the best way to get the first look from college coaches. Your discipline and dedication will keep them looking. But it is your attitude, resiliency, and ‘coachability’ that will make them a true fan.
How can parents help in guiding the college process?
As in all major decisions affecting the life of your child, you want the very best for him or her. Determine whether this is yours or your child’s decision, or a combination of both. This will avoid frustration and will serve to clarify goals. Guide your child in how to research colleges using the factors meaningful to your family values and requirements. Make sure that the school is a good match academically, culturally, and athletically. Your child will be spending a great deal of time with the coach and team, who will serve as a second family during the next four years. Here are a few things to consider:
Although it appears to be an arduous task with many variables, this creative process can be an enjoyable experience. Prioritize your personal formula and stay true to the recipe.
The time you begin this process depends on the preparedness of you and your child. Begin to gather the ingredients and, regardless of where you are in the process, categorize them and play with the possibilities. Eventually, everything ripens and is ready to create a unique and powerful opportunity.
Looking forward!
Carol Hagar
Head of ATA College Prep
Growing Champions for Life Newsletter has a short article, “Are Your Child’s Life Accounts in Balance?” that ATA CEO Jack Newman recommends. It is about having a well rounded child to minimize gaps in their preparation for dealing with life for when they grow up.Click here to read more
Below is a link to an article that comes recommended from ATA CEO Jack Newman. The article is titled Sleep: the greatest performance enhancer – here is a brief excerpt:
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“Rather than looking at the deficits of the brain with regards to the lack of sleep, we should be acting upon the research of the benefits on the brain with increased sleep. We need to take care of our brains to optimize our health and well being. So often we hear people saying, “I can’t afford to get that much sleep.” My reply to them is, “you can’t afford not to!”
Click here to read the entire article: http://adisciplinedmind.com/6/post/2015/05/sleep-the-greatest-performance-enhancer.html
Below is an article that comes recommended by ATA CEO Jack Newman. The article, published on FastCompany.com, is titled Why Your Next Employee Should Be a Student Athlete.
“athletes have most likely failed more than they’ve won, but they always get up and keep going. In the workplace, this trait creates an employee who will find a way to win.”
Growing Champions for Life Newsletter from David Benzel
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Your Villain Becomes Your Child’s Villain
One of the more memorable sport movies of the last few years is “42” – the true story of Jackie Robinson’s first season in Major League Baseball as the first African American allowed to play in “the Show”, as it is often called. There is one particular scene in the movie that haunts me, and I hope it haunts you as well. I’m referring to the game when Robinson and the Dodgers play Philadelphia and take the field in front of a very hostile crowd. As Robinson runs out to his position in the first inning, a young boy sitting next to his father watches intently as his father yells racist remarks at Robinson for
his mere existence on the field of baseball. Within moments, this young boy who appears to have been caught off
guard by his father’s ranting, decides that he too should join in the degrading of the “villain” on the field; it seems like the thing to do.
A father can be a powerful influence on a child. A parent’s values become a child’s values. A parent’s words become a child’s words. A parent’s behaviors become a child’s behaviors. And it stands
to reason that a parent’s villains become a child’s villains. What a sobering thought!
Perhaps it’s time to ask, “Who have you cast as villain in your world, and do you want your child to see and treat these people as villains – bad guys, undeserving of respect, targets of personal attacks, ridicule and blame? There are few things as destructive as racism; the movie scene demonstrates a father’s influence on a young mind. But it
doesn’t have to be about the color of one’s skin for it to be damaging.
For instance, is it possible that our children learn disrespect for referees by overhearing our repeated disgust over an official’s call? Can we really expect our children to take responsibility for their performances when we constantly blame the judges or umpires for calling it as they see it? How can we possibly ask our children to listen to their coaches
when they frequently hear us criticizing the coach’s decision making?
In truth, parents can be respect-killers for every authority figure in a child’s life by attacking, ridiculing, criticizing, condemning and complaining about referees, umpires, judges, officials, coaches,
and sport administrators. When we “villainize” someone, whether it’s
during a competition, during the car ride home after a practice, or in front of children while talking to other adults, we
should not be surprised when our children demonstrate disrespectful behaviors towards those same people. They
didn’t learn it from a stranger.
We have a huge responsibility to teach tolerance and respect for those who volunteer their time (or are paid very
little) to officiate or coach our children. If we hope to maintain the services of our officials, as well as teach our children respectfulness, we must first learn to control our emotions and our reactions on the sidelines of competition. Many organizations are finding it increasingly difficult to retain officials due to the verbal abuse they suffer at the hands of parents! Yet those same parents expect their children to control themselves.
If youth sports is truly a laboratory for learning life lessons; if its purpose is to help our children develop physically, mentally, and emotionally – then it stands to reason that parents cannot temporarily suspend such virtues as respect and self-control during the minutes of a game. If you recognize the tendency to get emotionally hijacked by your emotions during competitions here are some suggestions:
Give these strategies a try. They will go a long way in helping you set a good example for your children and make it safe
for our referees, umpires, and officials to continue doing the task they enjoy.
A Resource to Tap:
Rich on Paper, Poor on Life
by Philip
McKernan
We live in a world that works tirelessly to assimilate us to be “normal”. This collective pressure has the ability to dampen our spirit and give up the dreams we have in our souls in search of what we are told is success and happiness. We often find ourselves chasing the things we think will make us
happy and when we get there, feeling an eery emptiness.
The real life stories in this book will inspire you to find the courage and clarity within to take back your life and challenge the very essence of the things you think will make you happy. Stop living the life others want for you and begin the quest for meaning in every area of your life. If you feel you are settling in life and wonder if there is more, then this book is for you.
GCFL Promotion:
Sport Parent
Quiz
Discover Your Sport Parent Style!
The sport parent quiz is designed to help you discover how you behave as a sport parent and what effect it is having on your child. Sport parents come in 4 FLAVORS…Manager, Agent, Sponsor, Hero. However, through the challenges and
emotions of sports we sometimes become the sport parent we NEVER intended to be. By answering the following questions honestly, your point total will indicate which of the four flavors fits you best.
Highlights:
Meet a GCFL True Hero Track Partner:
T Bar M Racquet Club
T Bar M Tennis Academy is located in Dallas Texas and offers comprehensive tennis
training to children from 3 years old to highly ranked collegiate athletes and
professionals. Our system of development is based on five areas of focus. Comprehensive
Technical, Tactical, Mental/Emotional, Physical and Character Development are all incorporated
into every workout at every age. For decades our program has produced not only
great players, but most importantly great people.
Quote of the Day
“Just as your car runs more smoothly and requires
less energy to go faster and farther
when
the wheels
are in perfect alignment, you perform
better when your
thoughts, feelings, emotions, goals,
and
values are in balance.
“
– Brian
Tracy, Personal development
author
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Growing Champions For Life Newsletter – From David Benzel – Restore Calm To The Family Storm
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by David Benzel
Nowhere is our parenting style more evident than when engaged in the world of youth sports. A disturbing example was recently caught on video tape by a neighbor as a young boy was allegedly whipped by his step-father for dropping the ball while playing catch.
While the majority of sport parents will never be guilty of such extreme reactions to a dropped ball, the more subtle versions of this behavior are a regular occurrence in more homes than we’ll ever know. The severity of the judging and rebuking from parents varies widely but the source of the problem is universal: parents often become more analyst than observer, more critic than supporter, and more judge than encourager. As a result children experience a reaction that generally falls into one of four sport parent categories, only one of which is truly desirable. Which one of these is most like you?
The Agent
The Agent-Parent acts as though a child is a commodity to be developed and promoted. This parent tends to over-emphasize the destination (college scholarship or pro contract) more than the journey. Therefore most performances get evaluated and compared to some standard that must be met to stay on track to reach a goal.
The Manager
The Manager-Parent also applies performance pressure in the hopes of making a child better. The main difference is that the Manager focuses on making progress, rather than just the outcome. This parent will manipulate every circumstance (coaches, schedules, equipment) to gain an advantage. Through their constant evaluating and analysis Managers communicate their joy about improvement and their disappointment about sub-par performances.
The Sponsor
The Sponsor-Parent tends not to be involved in a child’s sport experience, but sees it as something to pay for. Hearing about the results of a game afterwards is the norm. While the Sponsor is less guilty of applying performance pressure before competition, they are equally critical after a game and will overlook opportunities to teach the life-lessons exposed through sports.
In each of the three scenarios above, children start to assume that love is given in direct proportion to performance achieved. Only this final sport parent style sends a message of unconditional love and acceptance.
The Hero
The Hero-Parent purposefully avoids adding performance pressure to a child’s athletic world. While this parent is deeply interested in how his child performs, he’s more interested in how he lives and how he feels about himself – win or lose. For that reason more conversations are directed at the bigger life lessons than at sport techniques and strategies. Sport specific conversations consist more of questions and discussion than lecture and directing.
To become a Hero Parent start by asking yourself this question: “What do you want?” Does your child have to become something different for you to be satisfied?
HeroParentJourney2
Every Hero Parent has found the wisdom and the satisfaction of shifting their true desires over to the right-hand box in the illustration above. When a parent’s “want list” consists of things within their own control that only require a change within them, they can go home happy after every game. The results are better family relationships and happier kids who enjoy sports more and stay involved longer.
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by David Benzel
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 The Real Purpose of Your Child’s SportThere’s an adage that says, “It’s hard to see a picture when you’re standing in the frame.” Perhaps being an athlete in youth sports is like that. It’s hard for our kids to truly understand the larger purpose of the sport experience while immersed in the everyday rigors of practice and competition. Parents and coaches who transport, support, f inance, organize and administrate youth sports can also lose sight of the real purpose and find themselves “standing in the frame” rather than seeing the big picture. |
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| The purpose of youth sports is not, and was never intended to be, focused on winning. The purpose of this experience we call sport is to use the laboratory of training and competing as a platform for two things: 1) having fun, and 2) learning life lessons for the development of personal character. Winning and losing are an important part of this experience, but not its purpose. The professional sports model, with its “win at all cost” mentality, has contributed to the misinterpretation and distortion of the real purpose. | ||
| Confirmation of this higher purpose is found in the Latin root of the word competition, which actually means “to strive with an opponent, not strive against, as our current culture suggests. The origins of the word suggest we can become more than we are by striving with a worthy opponent so we learn, change, and grow in the process. According to author David Light Shields, this is “true competition” rather than “de-competition” – win at all costs, even at the expense of one’s character, and destroy/humiliate your opponent. | ||
There are numerous side-effects of parents and coaches missing the opportunities to focus on character lessons for the sake of winning. We currently have too many young athletes who:
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| The most important question parents can ask is not, “What will my child get by playing better?” but instead, “What will my child become by playing at all?” Speaking at the Tennis Teachers Conference in New York City last month, sport psychologist Dr. Jim Loehr suggested we begin by asking our children different questions. Instead of asking them how they’re doing on their corner kick, free throws, or backhand swing, perhaps we should be asking how they’re doing with their integrity, fairness, and humility. In the grand scheme of things, which qualities do you think have the greatest long-term value for our children? If you’re not having these conversations with your children, who do you think is? It’s time for us to be on-purpose parents. |
“The decline in SAT scores has a lot to do with not reading … The ability to read is linked to the ability to process, analyze and comprehend information, … I guess that’s called thinking.” ~Donald M. Stewart, College Board President
Michael Silverblatt of “Bookworm” uses an analogy that young people might find more persuasive: “Just as people who don’t work out can’t do certain things with their bodies, people who don’t read can’t do certain things with their minds.”
There is no way to cram for reading comprehension… just as there is no way to cram for stamina. You may want to run a marathon, but you won’t be able to succeed without regular training that builds up to the culminating event or events. You may want to squat 225lbs, but you will need to practice with diligence for an extended period of time to build up the required strength. You may want to have $1 million dollars invested in your retirement account by age 30, but unless you begin the investment early and care for it over a period of time, you are likely to come up short. And you may want to score well on the SAT exam, but in order to do so, you need to put in the time, the diligence, and the vested effort in growing your brain, your thought processes and your stamina for thinking. You cannot build a muscle in a day, but you can choose to practice strengthening it every day.
So it is with reading. It should be a daily practice. Like eating… you don’t eat a week’s worth of food in 1 hour… so why would you try to do it with reading. Take a bit each day and with each word, grow your stamina and your comprehension. Yearn to learn and learn to read.
So… what is your Daily bREAD? Instead of turning on the television, why not sit down for 30 minutes and read as a family? At first, it may take more time and energy, but as with any good investment, it begins to grow with less input… and the payoff is well worth it.
“Not